It’s a bit out of character for me to write on this particular topic. I typically refrain from stating my viewpoints for the simple fact that very few may agree. There is such a diversity in opinions and advice when it comes to dating and relationships. The following text is simply my outlook on the issue and is to only be received as such.
I’ve answered the questions countless times.
“Why don’t you date?” or “When are you going to find yourself a woman?” or my favorite is, “Hey Kyle, want me to hook you up with someone?”
As much as I appreciate the concern, no thanks. First of all. I’m not a big fan of friends hooking up friends. However, I realize there are times where the Lord deals with an individual about a potential couple. I’m not taking away from that. But when you exhaust your resources trying to find a mate for your buddies, you’re leaving God completely out of the equation. Match-making is His job. To suggest or advise is one thing, but to “make it happen” is another. I want no part of that.
The Lord dealt with me early on about dating and marriage. For the record, marriage is a word I attempt to leave idle. I figure I’d best work on the dating part first. 
I deal with attraction and emotions just as strongly as any other young male. There’s a huge part of me that wishes I could just forget about my convictions and snag me up a girlfriend. But there’s another part of me that can’t seem to disobey Gods counsel.
I’ve seen relationships fail time and again. I’ve seen close friends hang their heads in guilt and regret because of their relationship choices. And while I don’t hold that against them, I hope to beat the odds. I realize that I’m subject to fail just like anybody else. If ever I do, please spare me some mercy. But at this point, the Lord has kept me and held me safe of those mistakes. It is only because of His grace and mercy that I‘m standing, and may I NEVER pretend that it was my own accomplishment.
The Apostle Paul instructed the church at Ephesus to love as Christ did. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”
The more I read Paul’s writings, the more wisdom becomes evident. I believe I can put my confidence in his counsel, as it came through him from the Lord.
If I casually date, or take advantage of the privilege, then I am in no way loving her as Christ loved the church. That recommendation is completely disregarded the moment I start flirting with girls that I have no intentions of being with.
I want to love my wife with purity, whomever she may be.
I want to offer her all of me, not just what is left over from a string of past relationships.
The more I give away now, the less I have to offer my mate.
A while back, bro. Billy Brown preached a message on the topic of purity that has left a permanent mark with me. He was making reference to young couples crossing boundaries. He stated that any relationship held together by lust or sexual activity will never last. He said: (paraphrasing from the best of my recollection) “When you become familiar with each other, and cross God’s boundaries, your relationship will crumble. Then as you both grow older, supposing you repent, receive forgiveness, and stay in the church, you’ll have to continue to face each other for years to come. What happens when that young girl you fooled around with becomes a song leader? Can you watch her sing and play the piano and not feel uncomfortable? When that young man you expressed liberty with becomes a minister, can you listen to him preach and not feel awkward? Obey the boundaries the Holy Ghost establishes.”
We as called out young men in this body can not settle down with just ‘any’ girl. She has to have an understanding of the work God has called us to. She has to have a vision and revelation of the what time frame we’re living in and where the church is headed.
The same goes for the young ladies. If God has called you to this work, you can’t settle for smooth talking, muscular jocks who just make you feel good. If we are going to dedicate ourselves to Christ, and work in the order He’s called us, then casual dating is not an option. This is serious business. We’re diluting our calling. And when we get caught up in relationship drama, we’re not only robbing ourselves of our gift, but we’re robbing the church as a whole.
When I was eighteen, my good friend Jonathan Durr passed along some advice that was completely ludicrous to me at the time. He told me that a man would be wise to wait until he was at least twenty three or twenty four years of age before considering a courtship. I laughed at him. When I was eighteen I knew I wasn’t ready to date, but I also knew I wasn’t going to wait that long. I am now twenty one, and dating is still out of the question. Between that time and now, my life has taken SO many changes. I realized that I had no clue who I was then. Apparently Jon’s counsel was directly on point.
My only reason for bringing that up is to say, when you’re younger, you’re convinced that you have life figured out. You’re positive that you know who you are and what you want. Please consider this. You don’t. I promise you, you don’t. Between eighteen and twenty one, the Lord completely transformed my thinking process. And He still is. I’m certain that in two or three more years, I’ll be saying the same thing all over again.
My goal in life right now is to fall in Love with Christ.
If I can’t fall in love with Him, then I don’t deserve to date any of His daughters.
If I can’t learn to love Him with unconditional passion, then I am not qualified to be a Godly husband. And neither are you.
At one time, I thought I knew how to love Him. I thought my life was where it needed to be, my ducks were in a perfect row, and I was ready to pave my future. In my arrogance, I let my guard down. And naturally, the female aroma infiltrated my hormonal nostrils. I got caught up in all these thoughts and emotions and made a huge mess of everything. It has taken me months upon months to clean it all up. I’ve vowed to labor in another field. I want to fall in love with Jesus all over again. I want to impress Him. I want Him to be pleased with me. I want Him to smile every time He looks at me. I can’t stop until His thoughts are my thoughts, and His ideas are my ideas. Until I can’t get Him off my mind, and until I can’t go anywhere with talking about Him, I’m not ready to start a life with anybody.
I’ve prayed many times, “Lord, when you do send me a companion, let me love her like You do. Help me to appreciate her the way You do.”
Not only will she deserve love, but also credibility for putting up with me and all my problems.
If I can’t love her as He would, then my relationship will fail. The same method applies to you.
I’ve also been asked “What are your preferences in a woman?”
I can’t quite seem to answer that question. I want her to meet the criteria that I stated earlier, but to say I’ve set out personal preferences is not altogether true. I have to have faith that if God has joined us together, no lack of preference will separate us.
One simple theory that we cannot seem to grasp, is that God is highly capable of making our decisions for us. He knows exactly what we need, and exactly who to send. If we could just realize that. We don’t know how to let God make our decisions for us. It is so much easier to give Him the reigns instead of stressing over which move to make.
I’ve read book after book on dating advice. Eric and Leslie Ludy, Michael and Debbie Pearl, Joshua Harris, just a few of the great authors who changed a lot of outlooks on dating. These books are fantastic reads and I don’t want to depreciate their value in any way. But at the end of the day, I’ve learned that God, and only God could lead me into the relationship that He wants me in. He is the best counselor. Next in line is my Pastor and his wife. I, as well as many of you, have Godly parents to turn to as well. These are the tools given to shape our spiritual dating life. Let’s take advantage of them.
I can’t wait to be a husband. I’m eager to become a father. But even more so, I want it to last. I want to get it right the first time. If I fail to apply the God-appointed order, I’m asking for trouble.
God help us get this right!
Recently I was talking to Joshua Turrentine, a close friend of mine, and he gave me a few sobering pointers. He said a companion is meant to be a help-meet, not a help-complete. She is meant to accelerate our relationship with God. She is not required to perfect us.
All too often we feel empty or lonely, so we turn to the wrong alternative. The problem is not a lack of female involvement, but rather a lack of contentment with God.
I’ve seen good couples break up because they just couldn’t make it work with each other. I think the problem is typically handed off to the companion, when all the while the problem is a lack of Godly direction in the relationship.
Put God first.
If He is not the sole authority in your relationship, expect a split. It will not work any other way.
Just a few more opinions in closing.
I ran this thought past Kyle Morgan and Jordan Evans a few months ago, just to make sure I wasn’t crazy for feeling this way. Their exact words to me were: “Absolutely.”
It was comforting to know I wasn’t alone! 
So from the unanimous guys perspective:
Let him do the pursuing!
If he is interested in you, he’ll let you know it somehow or another.
When a girl pursues me, or makes it a point to go out of her way to impress me, that instantly raises a red flag.
That is my job. I am not fascinated or impressed by a girl who aggressively pursues me.
And to the girls, if a guy is receptive of abrasiveness, there may be a reason. Be careful.
Being patient is the hard part. A couple days ago, Daniel Brockman comically said to me, “Where are all the in-betweeners? There’s a huge group of older girls, and an even larger group of young girls, where’s our age bracket?”
It does seem that way at times. It tends to get frustrating because at times there seems to be nobody. And I’m sure you’ve all felt that way. But have hope. God will deliver just in time.
Sis. Kathy Harr jolted some sobering words into me last week. I walked by her, not paying her any attention when she reached out and took my arm. “Kyle, don’t even think about settling down with some last minute girl. God has brought you too far, and now is not the time to give up. He has somebody perfect for you, hang on just a little while longer. Just give it a little more time. He has a job for you to do, and He won’t make you do it alone! Just give Him time to work.” Tears were rolling down her face, and I was fighting them away myself. I needed to be reassured so badly. And now I’m passing on her advice to you. Just a little while longer. God has called this group of young people to do a mighty work! He will not make us go alone. He will supply our help-meet as soon as we’re ready.
Until then, let us spend every moment learning what it means to fall passionately in love with the one who loves us unconditionally.
I want to do this right! And I know you do too. Even to the ones who have erred from doing things in order, let God make the difference. He’s a perfect redeemer. That’s what He does. Let Him do His job. Our guilt and stress has hindered God from using us long enough.
I can’t rest until I know I’m nestled in the core of His will. I admonish you to do the same. Is there any other way?
The psalmist penned it so beautifully. He perfectly captures the love and concern that God has for us. As you read this, forget all about your petty problems and realize God is crazy about you and has no intentions of leaving you alone.
O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting…
~Psalm 139~