Lord, I’m just not ready yet…

I have recently accepted the fact that overcoming personal downfalls is quite meticulous. One might even say, borderline impossible.
I’m not sure if this is a problem that I possess alone, or if others can identify.
If so, please enlighten me.
Nonetheless, I sure hope that I’m in this boat alone, for I would never wish this misery on anyone.
Have you ever overcome a problem, and walked in victory for impressive spans of time, and then face-planted in your problems all over again?
I’m being stung by a wasp that I smashed years ago. Why Lord? I thought we were through this. However, I’m sure He replies with: “So did I.”
I realize that sometimes it’s hard to let certain things go.
I would like to share an experience I had quite recently.
I took a wonderful road trip with Leah Hopwood, Cesalee Hopwood, Jane Dickerson, and Kyle Morgan to Benton Harbor Michigan. If I may insert, we had a wonderful, monumental time. “They got the goods!”
As we entered the city of Benton Harbor, our natural hunger pangs were crying out for relief. So we stopped at the all famous Applebee’s. We had all been craving salads from O’Charlies for countless miles, but Applebees was the only alternative.
(Albeit, after six or seven hours without a meal, even gas station food didn’t sound too far out of question.)
For the majority of the day, my mind was set on salad. I wanted one. I craved one. I had a made up mind. I wanted a salad!
 Yet when the waiter handed me the menu, I became partially brain dead. Everything looked divine, and salad didn’t seem to allure me anymore. So the waiter came back with our drinks, and then asked the routine question. “What can I get for you guys?” I’m attacking my menu like a hummingbird in a punchbowl hoping something will entice me.
He proceeded to go all the way around the table, taking orders from those who were having less trouble than I. And finally, back to me.
“Are you ready?” “No sir, I’m really sorry, but I‘m not.” “Take your time, I’ll be right back.”
The others struck up a table conversation, they sipped on their beverages, they laughed with each other, all the while I’m sweating profusely as if my entire life was hanging on this solitary decision.
Then the table began to shake, the glasses began to rattle, and my heart began to pound as the waiter confidently approached the table for the third time. “make your mind up?” After a pause that seemed to last for decades, I shattered his confidence. “No sir, I’m really sorry, but I haven‘t…”
“Ok, that’s fine dude. Just let me know when you’re ready for me.”
He was very patient. Very kind. Very considerate. And eager for a good tip, which he well deserved.
Several minutes went by. I’m sure my fellow table friends are either laughing at my indecisiveness, or growing annoyed by it.
AHA! FINALLY! My mind was kidnapped by the barbecue burger meal. I couldn’t wait to tell my waiter I was finally ready for him.
He passed by our table moments after I received the barbecue revelation, and I was on it! I flagged him down like a psychopathic runway attendant.
The order was in, and I was set.
When I placed the order, his expression was quite clear to me. It said: “Three hours of relentless menu investigation, and you choose a traditional hamburger?”
I was feeling far too triumphant to let my embarrassment steal my beefy glory.
The end result, our food was fantastic, and we waddled out.
 
Several days after I got home, the Lord brought that whole scenario back to my remembrance.
He began to show me things I didn’t want to see. Although this may sound cliché-ish, please do bear with me.
He began to show me that, sometimes He spreads a table for us. Sometimes He lays out all the blessings we could possibly need. And sometimes, He even tries to hand us an alternative to our hunger, and we refuse it.
Sometimes we get hooked on trash that we can’t seem to give up. We commit sins, fall prey to certain addictions, and grow comfortable with defeat.
And maybe, from time to time, we make up our minds to change. We realize that who we are, is not who we want to be. So we set our mind on changing, overcoming, and drawing closer to Him. Then all of a sudden, flesh hands us a menu full of enticements, and the decision becomes impossible.
Then He beckons us. “Child, may I help you?” “Yes Lord, but not right now. I’m really sorry Lord, but I just don’t think I’m ready.”
He has mercy, and He understands our weakness.
So He gives us our space. He doesn’t cram His ways down our throat. He doesn’t force us to give up everything at one time and expect us to walk sinless. A true gentleman, God is.
He says, “Ok. You need to work on that. I’ll check again in a moment.”
Searching for a remedy. Walking in defeat. Can’t make up our mind, and quickly losing the desire to.
Here He comes again. “How about now? Will you let me help you now?”
Over and over again we brush off the Lord. Meanwhile He keeps coming back to our table, refreshing us with free refills of His spirit.
Nevertheless, I believe after a certain point, the Lord withdraws from His beckoning. I believe He says “I’ve given you chance after chance, opportunity after opportunity. You’re clearly not ready for a commitment this deep. When you are, let me know. I’m always here. I promised not to leave you, and I meant it.”
I hope it’s safe to say, that our procrastination is not always sin. He understands. As those around me ordered, and carried on, I was having a bit more difficulty. That’s the way it seems at times. “Lord, they’re doing just fine! Why do I have to struggle? Why is always ME that’s hurting? Why can’t I be content for once! Why am I always the last one to get a blessing? How long do I have to carry this?” Please tell me I’m not the only one who argues with the Lord. But He’s tough. He can take it.
I heard it said recently, an individual was praying and asking God “God, haven’t I done enough? Haven’t I lost enough? Haven’t I suffered enough for You? Haven’t I sacrificed enough for You?” And God replied “I gave EVERYTHING for you…”
I’m realizing more and more that God typically wins any debate I hold with Him. However, I still have questions, And I still have doubts. I’ve told the Lord SO many times: “Lord, if this is what it’s going to take, I can’t make it. If it means overcoming this, I’m just not going to be able to go. I can‘t do this!”  Nevertheless, something keeps holding me. Those things I hold on to, those things I can’t seem to let go, He never pushes me. He gives me my space. He makes His presence known, and He offers me help daily, but NEVER forces or shoves. He’s just that precious.

“Take your time, but hurry up!”

As I sat there finishing up my meal, I realized everybody else was ready to go. Some headed to the door, some to the restroom, and there I sat. Eating alone.
However, I didn’t take any offense to this. In fact, at the time, I never thought a thing about it.
But later as I pondered this scene, I began to feel grieved. I know without a shadow of a doubt, that God is patient. And as I’ve already stated, there are certain elements we hang on to even after the Lord convicts us about them. He doesn’t cut us off or eternally judge us for that. Instead, He gives us time to overcome, and space to work on our problems. With that being said however, there may come a time where we’ve exhausted our grace period, and find ourselves left alone. God will extend patience to us, but He will not place His plans on hold for us. His work will go on. His church will march triumphantly regardless if we’re a part of it or not.
So without rambling on and boring you, I just wanted to get that point across. Don’t beat yourself up because you keep struggling with an issue, or because you’re confined by a downfall that you can’t seem to overcome. God is merciful, and He’s patient. But at the same time, He’s a God of movement. Don’t become so engulfed in your trash that you’re left alone as the cloud of God moves on.
We’re living in a serious time. A time of separation. A time where flirting with sin is unethical and illogical. A time where God has SO much competition. Sometimes, God would have to absolutely scream to get our attention. But He doesn’t do that. He speaks with a still, small voice that we often drown out. He doesn’t compete. He doesn’t barge in.
I was talking to Jordan Evans a few nights ago, and he quoted “God don’t play second fiddle.”
And He certainly does not.
I’m a common recipient of grace, and without it, I wouldn’t be writing this, and you wouldn’t be reading.
We’ve all fallen upon His mercy and redemption. And that is certainly why it’s there. But I’d like to admonish you to get serious, lay aside the weights and substances that define you, and allow God to inject His overcoming power into your life. Myself included. Just one touch of the masters hand can free us from the chains that bind us. Just one submersion of the holy ghost can shatter the bonds of sin and set our spirit free.
This is serious! There is a higher calling! There is a better way of living! We don’t have to fall prey to sin every single day. We don’t have to be a victim of guilt and shame. We can walk above the elements and substances that have made us who we are.
But the only way this is possible, is if we quit procrastinating, quit putting the Lord off, and quit compromising with the things that hinder us.
Maybe they’re not sin. Maybe we don’t really see anything wrong with them. But perhaps the lord does! He longs for a closer, more intimate relationship with us. He is calling us to a higher level.
He came to give us life, and it more abundantly. We don’t have to just exist. We can live and walk in the newness of life. I’m not trying to be fanatical, I’m just being real. This opportunity is at our fingertips!
The table is spread, all we have to do is eat.
So please, consider this. Let’s step up, get rid of anything that doesn’t bring glory to Christ. Be it sin or not. It’s there’s no eternity in it, then it benefits us nothing. If it doesn’t bring glory to God, then consider putting it away. For what could be worth forfeiting such an opportunity? This higher calling requires sacrifice, but if it means nothing to you, then it means nothing to Him.
From time to time the Lord will convict me to go through my things, and throw away anything that He’s not pleased with. That’s a very hard step to make, and most of the time I fail it. However, I said that not for any recognition, but there is one thing I’ve learned from it. Countless times I’ve been convicted over certain things, and I’ll obey the nudging of the spirit and throw them in the trash. After a matter of time, those things find their way back into my possession. So my prayer has changed. “Lord, take the love and craving for these things out of my heart.” It’s not enough to just get rid of the material. If I don’t eradicate the appetite for these elements, then that victory is only temporary. But I have to get down the very root and core of why these things hold precedence in my life. “Create in me a clean heart oh God.”
Many are called. Many have this opportunity. Many are given the same chance. But few are chosen. Few sacrifice their loves and pleasure to put the will of God first in their life.
I’m struggling and striving right beside you. I haven’t reached this place myself. But I’m headed that direction, because I KNOW it exists. I know it can be done. So come on! Go with me! By all means, outrun me! I have so much work to do, but I can’t do it alone.
I’ll meet you at the top!

Oh Hallelujah, He’s waiting on the hilltop!
Come on, lets go up to meet Him.
We’ll never know what He can do, until we learn to trust Him,
Come on up, He’s waiting for you!

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