Rest for the weary

“If You’re really out there, and You’re listening, then prove to me that those who seek will find.”

This week has been one of great defeat. I have been faced with ample temptations, and I have failed them. Miserably.
Tonight I was sitting on my couch, a bit complacent as I often am after I allow the flesh to claim so much victory.
Out of the blue, I received a text message from Kyle Morgan. Kyle is one of my closest friends, not only because we share the same name (My apologies to those who aren’t named Kyle, you’ll never understand;)
But because him and I find ourselves in the same struggle, generally around the same time. The text I received was lyrics to, in my opinion, one of the finest songs ever written.

I’ve seen a lot of crazy things done in Your name, I know the tricks behind the magic show.
I’ve almost thrown the towel in a time or two, and walked away from everything I know.
But I can’t fill this emptiness inside of me. Or calm the troubled waters of mind.
So if you’re really out there, and You’re listening, then prove to me, that those who seek will find. 

If You can just see fit to show me some of who You are.
If You could shed some light into this broken sinners heart.
I need to know the truth and I need something I can feel.
I need You, to make it real.

There must be some good reason why You brought me here.
Through valleys where the shadows hover close.
Down here, there’s a mask to cover every face, but Your sweet face I long to see the most.
So if You think there’s just the slightest hope for me, in spite of all my questions and my doubts.
Then let me hear Your still, small voice speak out my name.
And let me know what others talk about…”

If you think there’s just the slightest hope for me. That line resounded over and over. I realized in plain enlightenment that I was pulling a load that was too heavy for me.
It wasn’t inherited, I’m not a victim of circumstance. This was a self inflicted war that was defeating me.
It offended me, that after all the time I’ve spent in the church, under an anointed ministry, that I hadn’t come to the realization that God was exactly who He said He was.
I was praying for Him to make Himself real to me. How selfish!!
But God, in His loving way, did just that. I began to call out to Him. I couldn’t muster up a beautiful array of words.
I couldn’t articulate a spellbinding prayer. All I could do was repeat the words, I need You! I need You! Oh God, I need You!
Over and over again, those words poured from my heart, and out of my mouth.
Within moments, He was dropping these scriptures into my heart. He said He’d never put on us more than we could bear.
That doesn’t mean that we won’t ever carry more than we can bear. Through guilt, shame, mistakes, we can allow our cargo to accumulate unnecessary weight.
That doesn’t mean He gave it to us. If we’re carrying a load that’s too heavy, He didn’t give it. But he always makes a way of escape.

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will WITH the temptation also make a way of escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” 1 Cor 10:13 (emphasis mine)

So what Is the loophole? He said “Come unto me…ALL ye that labor, and are heavy laiden.” I’m tired. Tired of failure! Tired of defeat! Tired of waking up every morning, so heavy with life that I don’t want to get out of bed.
Tired of feeling like my life is an embarrassment to this gospel. Mostly, I’m tired of asking God for deliverance, and feeling like He doesn’t care. Maybe I’m being too bold, but we’ve all been there. “I’m free from the guilt of my past.” I can honestly sing that. I’ve felt His forgiving power. It’s the preceding line that I can’t sing. “I’m free from the fear of tomorrow.” I haven’t experienced that yet. I wake up every morning worrying about how many times I’m going to fail God throughout the day.
I’ve said the words: “God I’ve begged You for help, I’ve poured my heart out to You, I’ve put it in Your hands! Where are You? Why am I still carrying this?” One night, I went to bed mad at the Lord because I felt like He had abandoned me in a situation.
I wrote these words down: “I said I’d never give you, more than you could bear. But I’ll take you to the edge, and leave you stranded there.” The Lord dealt with me through time, and reminded me of that little spiteful note I had written.
I believe He finished it for me, with: “But I’ll return again, when the time is right for you, until then pay attention, I’m teaching faith to you.”

“And I will give you rest.” There’s no rest like the rest that our loving savior gives. It goes beyond any rest we’re accustomed to. In it contains no guilt, no shame, no anxiety…just rest. That rest is found through total surrender. When we come to a place where we have no other option but to fall at His feet and cry out to His name, that’s when heaven is completely focused on us. That’s when the King of all Kings is taking note of our request.
I love the lyrics: “Lean on me, when you have no strength to stand. When you feel you’re going under, hold tighter to my hand. Lean on me, when your heart begins to bleed. And when you come to the place that I’m all you have, you’ll find I’m all you need.”
If we still think we can survive by our own intellect or ideology, we haven’t lived yet. Our total dependence must rest on Him. He is our only hope. He is our shelter from the storm. Our rock in a weary land. Our covert from the tempest. The sooner we realize that it’s all about Him, the sooner we can rely on Him. This thing has nothing to do with us. What is it about this rest that leaves us craving it? If we have to work so hard, and give up so much, then what is so valuable about it? Besides redemption, besides forgiveness, besides restoration, besides all the other attributes found in the rest of God, peace is found. Godly peace. Perfect peace. He said in John 14 He gives us peace, not as the world gives. The peace of the world is pseudo. It’s the very thing that produces these unbearable loads. Temporal. Worldly peace is destruction in disguise. There is no real peace outside of the order of God.

Forgive me if I sound repetitious. But if you’ve ever reached a place in your life where you’ve entertained the idea of walking away, where praying seemed impossible and repentance seemed irrelevant, then you can’t identify. When God forgives you, truly, completely forgives you, there is no feeling in existence that can measure up. Many times I’ve repented, but didn’t feel forgiven. But when God totally wipes your slate clean, you can feel it in your spirit. And the peace that follows, truly is a peace that passes ALL understanding.
Job used the words: “The wicked cease from their troubling, and the weary be at rest.”
I’m longing for a time when I’m free from troubling. I’m anticipating a place in God where I don’t have to repent over, and over, and over, and over… I place my hope in a condition where I can feel the peace of God encompass my entire being, and never lift.

“There’s a place Lord I’m longing for in Thee. And to find that place means all the world to me. It will be worth everything You put me through, just to find this place I’m longing for in You.”

I’m not there yet. But I know it exists! The scripture wouldn’t make that promise if it were unattainable. So I’ll keep searching. I’ll keep striving. I’ll earnestly contend for the faith that once delivered to the saints. I intend to make it! I may go weary, I may go tired, I may go battered, but I’m going.
I heard Bro. Billy Watson say one time: “I’m going to keep running in this direction. If I get tired, I’ll walk in this direction. And if I fall, then I’ll crawl in this direction. I’m going to make it if it kills me!”
I made up my mind a long time ago, that I was going to go all the way with Christ regardless of how many times I was knocked out of the saddle. Those words have almost been the death of me a few times. I’ve come close to the threshold a time or two, but something keeps holding me. There’s a long, loving arm embracing me, preventing me from walking away. Without it, I’d surely be absent from this covering.
“Nobody else, can carry me through. Jesus, my hope is in You…”
I have a long way to go, as we all do.
But from the grandstand of heaven, there’s a beckon from the saints and angels of times past. They’re shouting to us!

They’re saying: “Come on! You can make it if you try! Shouting come on! Sin and Satan defy. Shouting come on! You are nearing the door. Shouting come on! And find rest for your soul. With wings on my feet, and fire in my bones, I’m going to run until I hear Him say “Well done”.

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